The Mid-Season Fantasy Football Awards

Hi, I’m Josh Galligan and I’ll be your host for the next… however long it takes you to read this. Never mind who I am, the important thing is WHY I’m here. In the interests of spoiling the surprise somewhat, I’m the new, resident fantasy guru around these parts. This, the mid-season fantasy football awards is my debut article. And you’re reading it! Seriously, WHAT are the odds!? Anyway…

True, half of seventeen – or even sixteen -- is definitely not seven. So why do a mid-season award write-up now? Ah, what you fail to realize my young book cover judger is that these are FANTASY football awards – not NFL season awards. A fantasy football season, in order to compensate for studs on playoff teams being benched and rested, usually has its playoffs from weeks 13-16. That is the time of the year that the magical fantasy football playoffs are held. Wait, what’s that? You’ve never been to a fantasy football playoff in any of your leagues? Well, the pathetic level of that aside, you’ve come to the right place.

How will mid-season awards help you in your league you ask? Well, why don’t you just read on and find out! With the obscure explanations and introductions out of the way, let’s just dive in and get started.

THE FANTASY SQUAD ASSASSIN AWARD

This award is given to the player that was drafted VERY highly in fantasy leagues, but failed to live up to even a portion of his (or uh… her – hey, I’m diplomatic, what can I say?) expectations. Think former Detroit Lions WR Charles Rogers, multiply it by twelve, and pretend you had $200 bucks riding on his performance. Scary, I know.

Runners up:

Tom Brady (QB), LaDainian Tomlinson (RB), Stephen Jackson (RB), and Joseph Addai (RB)

And the “winner” is:

Lawrence Maroney, running back for the New England Patriots!

He may not have gone as high as some of the runners-up, but I’m pretty sure that most people that drafted him envisioned he would score more than eight fantasy points by Week Seven. Yeah, that’s right; he hasn’t even cracked DOUBLE digits yet.

Prognosis:

Even if the Patriots didn’t have twelve other options at halfback, Maroney’s future would still look grim. He’s had some injury problems, yes, but even when he was healthy has failed to live up to his potential. If you haven’t gotten rid of him yet, you’re going to want cut the umbilical cord soon. And for those with the balls big enough to try and up talk him in a trade (I’m unfortunately speaking from firsthand experience here), just stop. Unless you play in a twenty team league with a big bench, or with owners who don’t have electricity, you’re not going to get anything for him. Just drop him, forget about it, and feel good about it. Unless you paid more than $30 for him in an auction league – in which case I suggest you just go and head to the liquor store.

THE THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A GENIUS AWARD

This award is given to the player who caused you to be made fun of mercilessly on draft day, but turned around and had an unexpectedly great first half of the season – which effectively made you look like a genius.

Runners up:

Kurt Warner (QB), Antwaan Randle El (WR), Rashied David (WR), Deangelo Williams (RB)

And the winner is:

Kyle Orton, quarterback for the Chicago Bears!

Even the mere mention of the young Orton at draft parties provoked uncontainable laughter. Nearly the entire country (outside of Illinois) just flat out refused to believe in a universe in which Kyle Orton, the “victor” in the Bears quarterback “battle” (another topical party favorite), would actually produce like a solid NFL QB. Or even throw like one.

Prognosis:

Orton isn’t good enough yet to demand weekly starting status yet, but he’s definitely an option to play the matchup game with. If you have him on your team, pat yourself on the back, get over yourself, and sleep easy at night knowing that your backup QB could fill in just fine should the need arise. If you’re not in a deep league and Orton IS one of your starters, then take your pat on the back back, and promise yourself to never, ever, gamble for the rest of your life. This one may have worked out, but hoping something like this will fall through in order for you to succeed, well, yeah – just don’t gamble. At all. Ever.

THE I WISH I HAD A DELOREAN AWARD

This award is given to the player that often makes you wish you could take a page out of Michael J. Fox’s book, call up the Doc, gun the Delorean to 88, and draft a different player with your first overall selection instead of the scrub you actually took.

Runners up:

Clinton Portis (RB), Marion Barber (RB), Drew Brees (QB), Frank Gore (RB)

And the winner is:

Michael Turner, running back for the resurgent Atlanta Falcons!

If you’re like me, then you stubbornly talked yourself out of drafting Turner for a safer pick like… Isaac Bruce. Yeah, it was safe pick all right – safe from winning a title (ZING!). The majority of people though, shared a similar opinion on Turner: that he was a great sloppy seconds (or thirds for third down if you want to get technical – gross, but technical) running back and looked great against defenses who were croaking for Gatorade after chasing LaDainian Tomlinson around all day. Or maybe that was just my opinion, but my conscience likes to pretend otherwise to save some face.

Prognosis:

Despite see-sawing every other game and having one monster game, followed by one mediocre one, followed by another monster game, I have to bite my tongue and admit that Michael Turner is not going to slow down. If anything, with the schedule he has left he could very well end up winning the rushing title. Don’t worry about the inconsistency too much, he’s going to string together a couple great games and likely won’t look back. Now please excuse me while I go and throw my television off out my third story window…

THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AWARD

This award goes to… well, you! The reader! Why are you so lucky? Because you found this weekly write up! Despite this debut article being pretty hodgepodge and all over the place, I promise I will break into a nice weekly format for the rest of the season.

Except some start and sit suggestions, a little bit of waiver wire players to look out for, and the advice that would normally come with a paid subscription to the best of the best fantasy websites. What’s the difference with me? Well, for one, I haven’t gotten famous enough to ignore personal requests – so if you have suggestions for what should be in each weekly article, or if you just have a start em/sit em question that you would like me to answer in the column, feel free to send me an e-mail at Galligan@NFLDraftDog.com.

Barring this column blowing up and my inbox overflowing with requests, I should be just fine replying to each and every e-mail sent.